Killing Sabretooth

[Vulpes]

Okay, most of you are familiar with my long drawn out fanfiction. Here is a little teaser of Wolverine killing Sabretooth. This is a good deal down the road in my fic and a lot of the points that set up this battle aren't done, but I want some feedback on this sequence. What should I fix to make it better, what isn't working?

The following describes graphic violence and contains adult language. With the dissolution of GeoCities, I've added the text directly. After the asterisks is new, since my concept for Sabretooth has changed after the X-Men Origins movie


Logan thrust his claws into Creed’s throat. Thomas was gone now, only Wolverine remained. Sabretooth choked blood in thick dark globs. Sabretooth was already healing the wounds when he hit Wolverine. He bared his razor-sharp fangs at the smaller mutant and slashed at him with terrible force across the face. Wolverine was dazed by the blow, but just turned and plunged his claws once more into Creed’s throat. Wolverine mauled him with unspeakable ferocity. He was an animal and he was protecting his pack.

Creed struggled to pull Logan away from him but to no avail. Blood drained from his throat, his mouth, from gaping wounds across his torso. Creed was scared now. He roared and struck Logan with all of his profound strength. Wolverine was pushed down, but his claws caught between two of Creed’s ribs at sliced clean through his left lung. Creed staggered and spit up a quart of blood.

Panting, Thomas came back to himself. His clothes were shredded and covered in blood, not all of it his own. He would hate himself for this tomorrow. Right now he couldn’t give a f**k at all. He was going to kill Sabretooth and he was going to take his time. Creed’s injuries were healing, but Thomas stuck his blades into his sides at the kidney and Creed howled. “Bleed, f**ker,” Logan spat into his ear. Logan slashed hard into Creed’s back, sheering the dorsal muscles. Taking his time, Logan began to perforate Creed’s torso, aiming for the lungs. Creed was drowning in his own blood. For all their miraculous regenerative capabilities and their indestructible bones, they needed to breathe and Logan was using that to his advantage.

Logan stopped and kicked Creed in the face. The towering mutant collapsed into the scarlet snow. Logan let his wounds heal and then began to carve him up anew. Creed was beyond words, he just howled like a beaten dog. Logan grabbed his wrist and wedged his claw into the gap between the bones. Creed clawed savagely at Logan’s hands, tearing gaping wounds, but Logan would not be denied. Logan slashed through in ragged strokes, and tossed the hand to the ground and moved up the forearm. He was crying silently, but he never wavered. Logan cut chunks of flesh away from the glistening steel bones. Once he had stripped enough flesh, Logan grabbed the two bones and pulled them apart. Thomas kicked him again and started hacking the other arm. Creed was dying now. Both of them knew it, but that didn’t stop Logan. He ripped up the other arm and began stripping it in similar fashion. Leaving Creed amputated at the elbows, Logan grabbed him by the throat. “When I see you in Hell, I’ll do this to you again.” With a slow stroke, Logan cut the soft flesh under Creed’s jaw and pulled out his trachea.

Logan lit a cigar and took a couple drags while he watched Creed heal. The skin had sealed over his amputated arms and over his other injuries but he had no hands to push his trachea back into his throat. The skin sealed and Creed breathed doggedly through his exposed windpipe. Logan kicked him in the stomach. He took the cigar from his mouth and pressed the burning embers into the windpipe, searing it shut. Logan kicked Sabretooth again and rolled him on his back. With a swift stroke, Logan sliced open Creed’s stomach and let his intestines spill into the snow. In the descending darkness, Logan could hear wolves howling. They could smell the blood and they were coming.

Creed might still be alive when they got here, but he couldn’t scream anymore.

* * *

Logan woke bolt upright. He was in his own bed, in his loft apartment over the workshop. It was nearly two in the morning, but he was at the Xavier compound. He could not delineate whether he had just awoken from a nightmare or, worse, a memory.

"Creed...," he said to the night. "I'm sorry..."

[darkblue]

Interesting...For Logan to actually kill Sabretooth this time, he has to become him.

[CharleyX]

"Quod Sum Eris" you know?

[Pyrate]

Wow, that was cool. So who is Thomas? You refer to him a lot and it seems as if you're referring to Wolverine. Is that his real name?

[Vulpes]

Yes and no. In the comics, specifically in Origin, his name is revealed to be James Howlett. He takes the name 'Logan' while on the run from the law for a murder he did not commit, and one he did. Thomas Logan, the man who killed his 'father' and the man whom Wolverine killed, is implied to have had an affair with Wolverine's mother and might be Wolverine's biological father. In any case, in this fanfiction, he takes the whole name, Thomas Logan. Most of the other adult characters call him Tom, and Jean refers to him as Tommy. Most of the students and other characters still call him Logan. I might invert it to Logan Thomas. What do you think?

[Pyrate]

So what is this, some kind of non-canon? I don't know. Part of the appeal to Logan as a name is that you never knew if it was his first or last, or as it turns out, a pseudonym. But I like Thomas Logan over Logan Thomas. Maybe its just me being a girl, but I like the idea of calling him Tommy, giving him a much softer title.

[Vulpes]

Yeah, non-canon. It's sort of a mix of Ultimate X-Men and X-Men Evolution with some of the mainstream Marvel and Movies thrown in, all filtered through my own interpretations of the characters. No magic, no time-travel, no alternate dimensions, no aliens, y'know, all the weird stuff. I still have the advanced technology and some paranormal stuff that borders on science, but I try to keep the level of disbelief a little lower.

[Pyrate]

Cool. So do you have any more of this?

[Vulpes]

Yeah, but due to lack of interest on site here, I stopped posting awhile ago. But if your interested here's what I do have on the forum.

Preliminary First Chapter
Fan-Fiction Pregnancy
Original Series

Its a lot to read, but that's what I've posted and that's the feedback I've gotten. Let me know what you think, its been awhile since anybody's been interested.

[Plainly09]

This was another good read, no doubt about it; you most definitely still have my attention.  The end felt a little uneven, as if you had an idea but didn’t quite get all of it down, but other than that, this was strong.

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